(A NOTE BEFORE YOU READ THIS - PLEASE GO READ THIS ARTICLE BEFORE READING OTHERWISE IT’LL MAKE NO SENSE.

THANKS.)

The infamous Raccoonifier is one of the most mysterious machines of the decade. But in this article I will explain how, precisely, this machine works.

To start, what many people get wrong is that they believe that the Raccoonifier pumps out gas to poison the area, thus turning you into a raccoon. His makes no sense! How does air make you a raccoon?

No. In fact, it uses a drink known as Chistaya Voda (Russian for pure water). It is a pure form of vodka, where, rather than using potato peels, one uses a whole potato. It is extremely hard to manufacture, and has almost never been successfully made. It uses this Chistaya Voda to spray a mist, which people either drink (ie the Lemon Water) or walk through (as in, maybe, a sprinkler).

This Chistaya Voda has a chemical reaction in it, caused by the potato fermenting and decomposing in water, that makes an element called Raccoonium. It is incredibly unstable, and, when utilitised properly, can turn people into raccoons.

So there you have it! How the зловещая лимонная вода turns people into raccoons! Now you know.

By Гави, one of our authors. See more on this page.

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Вы задавались вопросом, откуда Гави так много знает о моих планах? Возможно, вам стоит задаться вопросом, на чьей он стороне на самом деле...

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